Effective Empathy

Learn how the phrase, “How can I help?” is not an effective empathetic response.

Video Transcript: Never again in your life do I want you to say the phrase how can I help? It sounds so kind, doesn't it? It sounds like you're willing to lay down your life for this person, but here's how it's interpreted.

Let's say that you struggled with math your whole life, and I came and handed you a college-level trigonometry question to do.

The weight and pain, if that would happen in your life, would be overwhelming.

That's what happens when you have a person in crisis, and you say, how can I help? Their brain has to now rightly divide what their needs are and prioritize them, what your relationship is with them, and what you're willing to do. What your capacity is, what are your boundaries, all in that moment. So we typically say thanks, nothing right now, when in all reality, that isn't actually true.

So the reason we want to delete this phrase from our vocabulary is because it actually doesn't show empathy.